And then I learned about the electric crusher.
I’m a video game completionist, and Jordan is definitely NOT. Since he’s tolerating my outlandish outfits with some sort of grace, I’m tolerating the “finish the storyline” mentality, which is why we were only level 20ish when we hit the last chapters. Then, two great things happened.
One, I found my newest outfit, which actually Jordan may hate more than ALL the other outfits combined, including the daisy dukes and daisy dukes top. And the cocktail dress. And the summer dress (the latter two he outlawed, but I actually wouldn’t have worn them anyway. I have SOME taste). I found it, crowed enthusiastically, and immediately hightailed it to find him. “Oh my god, that’s AWFUL,” he said. “I’m shooting away and fuck if it’s not a knight in shining armor. SERIOUSLY?” If only I could keep the go-go boots with it…
But that pales, I have to say, in comparison to a major discovery I made. The electric crusher, a combo weapon we found relatively early, seemed weak to me. After all, it would take a swing or two to kill a zombie and I could one shot them with the pummel blast. Plus it knocks out friendly targets. I’d get pissed at myself for accidentally picking it up from the weapons locked instead of something I would find more useful, like the Grim Reaper (an endless favorite).
BUT THEN. We were hanging out in the subway because that’s a fun place to be stuck in a zombie apocalypse. And psychotic bikers lock us in because they have some sort of GRUDGE that we broke up their little gang and killed their leader DAYS ago. To get back out of the metro, we’ve got to cobble together some sort of power system, and the place is swarming with zombies (go ahead, make your own joke about not being that different from an average commute, I’ll wait). And I don’t want to waste my pummel blast, since I figure we’re going to have to kill the insane bikers soon, so I take out the electric crusher. And after a minute I notice something. THIS WEAPON has an aoe. That jumps from zombie to zombie. I could take out an entire horde of them with a few swings. And I’d get combo points building up and suddenly I’d be getting a level in about ten minutes of horde killing. And I fell a little bit in love with the electric crusher that day, friends. A little bit in love.
If there is ever a zombie apocalypse, I’ll be searching out a car battery and sledgehammer and performing some arcane rites of magic that make this thing real.
We’re on the last chapter now, and the game stuttered here. There’s never been a point, up until now, that I found it pointless or boring. But suddenly we’re chasing drones from spot to spot in the city, and it’s just tedious. It’s not hard, or scary, or entertaining. Just a slog. But we want that good ending cheeve, so…onward.